Mid- Point

The summer has reached it's peak for school oriented people. I always consider the 4th the begging of the end.

Thinking of the end of summer makes me think of what goals I set out to get done. I have done some of them but others are lacking. Did not learn to read music this summer or decide what my chosen path is after college ends. But did find some good that I did not expect more of a understanding of my parents and open relationship. Also a great deal of thankfulness of unconditional love and patience, this makes life's bumps less acute.

I found peace with myself and what I want in my life. Such as regularity, happiness, understanding, music, healthy lifestyle, a bearable job, thought, ooo and that little thing of a perfect lover.
Bahahahaha how silly but my list any way.

Starring at the year ahead of what could have been my senior year I have never been more thankful of not graduating on time!!!!! I have some wiggle room about finding jobs and living arrangements.

But enough of that boring guff and on to more important things like my first ever music festival !!!!!!!!! Three days of nothing but music, adult beverages, good company, no responsibility but to have fun, bikinis with cut offs and ray-bans.

In tradition of Christmas in July I have also already started my Christmas list it goes like this 1. Tall blond with deep blue colored eyes       2. Leather suitcase/ backpack  3. Leather fringed jacket  4. If santa is over abundant a gold ship necklace.    Yes I am sure that all of this will fit perfectly under the tree.

Love, hmmm?

    So there have been millions upon millions of stories, poems, songs, movies, sayings, advice and books about love.  How to be open to it, How to make love last, healthy love vs bad love, and How to find love all these topics covered and more within all of these sources listed above.  But when you find that love bug or even think that you have found it there is never enough advice, never detailed just right, or advice that builds your confidence and bravery concerning the love pursuit.  So every time you feel like a complete babe in the woods.  Expect for all of the past mistakes you made with your past love interests to way over you, so this does nothing but wreck havoc for that confidence or bravery needed to be successful in appealing to another mate.

    To overcome all of these hang ups and fears is something to be greatly admired even celebrated even if the results are not exactly what is desired. If there is growth and knowledge gained then the whole process is worth the risk of putting your self out there for someone you love.  But I am cynical of all of this advice and stories that makes admitting love and pursuing it as a easy and ending with a fairy-tale they lived happily ever after. IT IS HARD TO DO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then once you do it that is the moment of truth where this is deemed a win or loss. All of this comes down to rejection or acceptance of you. SCARY !!!!!!!!!!!!


But to love you must be brave mabey this is what the toll charge is for the marvelous gift of love?



Which to be???????

Music is part of the soul !!

I have realized that through all that I experience nothing can touch my soul like a song can.  One song can make you recall a certain moment in time of your life and place you back there once again, also you make new memories all of the time with your current listening choice.  Music has the ability to totally shift your mood for the day or the moment.  This power of music is known but often over looked.  Every Spring time I am reminded of the power of music once more, I cling to it to carry me through my Spring Fever and into the the Summer.

Fall hopeless into your everyday reality and see who is near you that is worthy of the love. 

Bye My Peeps !!

Preception

Today I re-realized how my perception of life and all things is constantly changing. Generally I don't realize that it has changed until something of my past comes and reminds me that I used to think completely different about everything.  I am extremely thankful that change is possible and growth is achievable. Not all change is good but it does promote some new growth.

Love is blooming everywhere in the spring. With people across the board.

So here is sappy kissy pics ! Go get it, it's Spring and Summer is coming !!!!!!

Growth is certain ! 

Spring Break in February ??

Today is the official start of my Spring Break!  It means I have time to do all the task I have been putting off while at home.  The official list is catch up on reading for classes, write papers, start projects, settle claims with insurance companies (not unlike Christmas break), clean house/car, and the cherry on the cake FASFA.  But I have lived through midterms!!!

On the positive end I may get to BBQ, cook, Yoga, practice guitar, and read a book that was not assigned in class while at home, all of which I have missed greatly.  I am going to take this time and re-center/focus life and enjoy family.  So I may not be spending my time in the sun getting tan and partying the night away, I am going to get allot done in February in Virginia.  After turning 21 and loving all the privileges of being an adult it has been a great increase on responsibility end as well.  But that is for another time.

Free time or an illusion of it

After quiting a job the one big perk of it is that you now have opened up your schedaul. But there is an illson that happens to it that you think you now have more free time than you had previously which is kinda true. But not ever to the extent that you think it is. So you go out have fun for a night only to realize the next morning you actually have doubled your next two days work load. Also that you are no longer able to consume the same amount of Alcoholic drinks as you perviously could. So you end up hung over and over worked for the rest of the week.

But today is Friday and I have work to catch up on, so I am going to solve this issue by partying Saturday morning and night to make up for lost time today. This is my amazing critical thinking skills I have gained by higher education. 

Liberation

Today I have stood up to the man per-say and resigned from my job.  It was an America Beauty moment of awakened resistance.  I was tired of being oppressed and verbal abused by our faulty management.  So I with other calm, balanced, and cognitively active coworkers decided to finally stick to our employers. WE QUIT at the same time 4 out of ten there is a massively understaffed building now and all that is to blame for it is bad management.  I have never felt freer and happier; it is like being awakened after being in a self imposed coma.

Doing what is right is never an easy thing and is generally misconstrued by your peers.  SO go forth and wake up to today, reality, hope, truth, promise, honesty, self worth, and enlightenment.

Monday

I got the Mondays and bad. Tons of work to be done and little to no energy to do any of it.  As a result the day has been spent mostly fighting the urge to sleep and trying to focus on a paper. So naturally that consists of 3 hours of Facebook, looking at shoes online, reading newspapers, deciding to grow my hair out to really long, also looking at jewelry online, and deciding to down size my cloth collection considerably. Now I am even writing a blog to delay the writing of paper. But I have an almost uncontrollable desire to party until my room looks like this one.

So now I am going to go workout to focus on my paper later on tonight !!!!!

WOW

What a week! This was the first actually whole week worth of classes. What a week it was coworkers getting fired as well as the entire staff having there asses chewed and nawd on till there was not even ass bones left but bone powder. As always happens in life when things go wrong in any organization, finger pointing, blame rolling down the authority hill until it hits the bottom after building enough momentum to take out a content, and then the aftermath of the disaster ensues. I am now one of the big girls that can take a verbal whippen like no other from not only my direct boss but also his boss.

But I have moved on from this point of unfortunate circumstances with the help of the healing power of Mexican food and cheap Marguerites !!!!!

Then proceed to completing my fun list for 2011 oh yes I have not forgotten about this golden list ! I am now enrolled in guitar lessons and back on track with what I want to do for my life be a lawyer. Despite the huge challenges that I face in this career choice. 1.) Extreme competition 2.) I lack skills with English language 3.) Lawyers are currently having issues finding work after getting out of law school 4.) While the costs of going to law school have never been higher 5.) Also undecided what field I wish to go into. But despite this massive obstacles in my way I have always had and unnatural attraction to business suites, skirts, shoes, and briefcases. So I set out on this path with no divine knowledge of where I will
end up but hopeful but possible delusional.

Boat the Tote

So it is the season for the long time honored tradition for college students called partying, getting crunk, or raving. I decided to partake of this tradition this past weekend which is unusual for me, I usually am a studious little student. So I am at this party having a great time until at 1 am there is a knock on the door that sounds authoritative. So naturally I run and hid like a three year old. When I remerge everyone is scrambling to hide the beer and other items found at a party from what I perceive to be the CA's. So I grab my bags head out the door and proceed to go to my dorm under the watchful eye of a officer of the law in his car. I get back to my dorm and all my residents are up and in the hall wanting to talk to me about hall activities. So here I am at one trying to pass for sober in front of my residents long enough to get to my door. I finally breath once I get in my room. In the morning I wake up and go to breakfast find my party buddies and find out that the knock at the door was actually 4 cops not CA's. I ran from the cops something that is entirely new experience for me.

 I lived to fight another day !!!!!!

BAMF

I am not always a BAMF but sometimes I raise to the occasion and surprise my self when I do. When Co-workers are not pulling there weight in a project the dilemma of what to do, I have given up on the idea of being sweet about it this gets you no where and fast.  But today this went down with one coworkers blaming another coworker about not doing their work just to distract me from the fact that they had not done their part.  So I went all BAMF on them and told them they didn't have to be a part of the project if they didn't want to contribute. Then the story changed and quick. Young-fellow you don't take any guff from them swine.

This is a take no BS Friday also Lee/Jackson day. So I am going to go celebrate it all with wine and a book.

Snow The Love and Need

Snow is a very magical mysterious thing when you are a child it means freedom from the imprisonment of school.  It means you get to sleep in and spend all day with your friends having snowball fights and sledding in it ! You play in the snow until your hands are so cold and wet you think they might fall off. The best day of the year just because it is unexpected and a surprise.

So on the eve of a possible snow day I am very hopeful that I will once again receive a snow day.

I have been back at work for a total of two days.  I am already at the point of frustration that I am tempted to tell my bosses that I hope they could replace my position with someone that poses less brain cells and is as corrupt as they are. So good luck finding that. They all prance around so entitled and drunk with power over causing suffering and misery to all under their impotence authority.  So I have decided either I am going to have to return to using narcotics and drinking daily to endure this tortures position or hide in my room like a bat in a cave and only emerge for classes.  Unexpectedly this semester classes are going to be the highlight as a selection of challenging but engaging subjects.  

So I am frustratedly going to call it a day and hope to wake up tomorrow from this horrible dream with my surroundings covered in snow !

Musica

I have been exploring all different kinds of music lately such as Professor Longhair. He is truly amazing, I am feeling Blues/Cajun type music lately. It is a big step from my usual alternative/ popish music. But the difference is what is drawing me to it, not to mention the deeper, dirtier lyrics. The level of musical skill on these albums surpasses the modern day for the most part. I have been also listening to my old favorites that I loved at age 6 like Otis Redding and Ray Charles.

So all in all I am in the mood to travel southward for good music, people, and food. I am in the mood for a certain kind of place that is home to all that I am seeking. The answer is New Orleans home of the blues, cajun, and the fun loving time and people that all should have. So until I have the time to go I must just day dream of it or build that dream in my current reality.

Lists !

Making lists is a skill that I am becoming skilled at. I make list of things to do, places to go, people to meet, goals to be accomplished, and things to buy. But the list and list making is a long honored tradition in my family it is almost like our family seal.

Ex. Todays List
1.) Call Insurance companies 2.) Finish a paper 3.) Work out schedule for next semester 4.) Balance check book 5.) clean up

But list making never seem to have elements of fun in them. List are always made up of tasks that we avoid doing or want to put off. It is always lists of dread. But I am going to start making lists of fun things to do. Kind of like a buck list but really a Fun List of 2011 !

1.) Become a really good guitar player.  2.) Learn to ski on black diamond slopes.  3.) Live more in the moment. 4.) Learn 2 new different kinds of card games. 5.) Go bike riding and swimming everyday this summer.  6.) Learn to Kayak. 7.) Learn to dance proficiently.

Okay I am ready to commence with fun list as soon as today's list gets done.  Here is my inspiration on this cold wintery day.

End of the Winter Break

Ending the winter break is like jumping off of a boat into the Antarctic ocean. It takes some readjusting, pain, and willingness to suffer for freedom. But it is good to go back to making your own schedule and having freedom of choice of whom you wish to spend your time with. Spending time with family over the holidays is always something to be short lived.

For the New Year I have many goals for the 2011 year.
1. To care less.   2. To get a summer Job out of my hometown.   3. To decide a carrier choice.  4. Learn to play the guitar.

Hope everyone had a great holidays with lots of spiked eggnog !